I recently finished reading Vivek H. Murthy’s Together, The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. The author, a physician and former US Surgeon General, wrote the book in part from a concern over the hidden impact of loneliness.  His exploration on the topic reveals staggering statistics effecting millions of people, in the workplace, in our communities and in our homes. It’s a wake-up call for all of us, and a call to action, to lean into our humanity and play a part in healing ourselves and the world.
Why is this happening?
When the topic of disconnection comes up, discussing the internet and technology often enters the conversation. It’s easy to see how texting instead of speaking, avatars and AI over live humans, are obvious examples. Just as the pandemic was an obvious contributor to isolation. But that’s only part of the story. Entering the picture is an increasing number of solo professions like freelancers, and consultants, who complete a great deal of their work independently and alone. Decentralized corporate work environments are putting a strain on employee unity, trust and belonging.  And an ever increasing number of app notifications, emails and texts vying for our attention, make it increasingly difficult for all of us to be present and connected to others. Outside of work, living arrangements have changed. In the United States 30% of people live alone, a record high.  According to a recent Cigna study, half of all Americans report feeling lonely. And 58% of them, whether in a relationship of not, report eating all of their meals alone! And it effects people of all ages. Whereas Generation Z (ages 18-22) is reported to be the loneliest generation, those over age 50 who are alone, experience worse health outcomes and shorter lifespans than their peers.
Lower Productivity and Engagement
At work, loneliness reduces performance and increases feelings of dissatisfaction and burnout. In fact, Aflac’s recent workforce study (published earlier this year), reveals that 1 in 3 employees say their mental health has a negative effect on productivity. On the other hand, employees who feel connected and seen to at least one person in their workplace are more committed and loyal to leadership and the overall mission of their organization. Leaders who proactively create environments of inclusion and mutual respect cultivate healthier teams and better outcomes.
Compromised Well-Being
We know that there are lonely people everywhere, in partnerships and marriages and in families and communities large and small. Feeling seen and heard, for who we are authentically, is tantamount to our well-being and performance. The ability to express ourselves and feel accepted by others is essential to staving off loneliness. Â As Murthy notes in his book, young boys in particular who are not able to express sadness or vulnerability are more likely to exhibit negative behaviors and actions.
 Loneliness can manifest as anger.
Loneliness often manifests as anger. It may come as no surprise that while the number of lonely people has risen, there is also a dramatic increase in the number of people reporting feeling angry. And while so many of us are concerned about road rage, hate crimes, and mass shootings, it is incumbent upon all of us to ask the question, “How much of this is rooted in loneliness?”
An Easy Solution?
So, what can we do? Well the answer is easy. But it requires us to show up, for others. To be present, really present for others. It requires us to put the phone away in the presence of others, to become more aware of those in our communities, to take a step forward and connect with more people on a consistent basis. And that can include the person at your grocery check-out, or the one pumping your gas, in the office elevator or the lunchroom. It can include the people you pass on the street, the neighbor walking their dog, your family members at the dinner table. You get the idea.  Give them the courtesy of eye contact. Ask them about their day and, when they respond, follow that up with another question. If you feel tied to your phone, scroll your contact list and reach out to an old friend, to someone who may be feeling alone. Let them know you are thinking about them. Let them know that they matter.  Tell your coworkers and your loved ones what you appreciate about them. You might catch them off-guard. And if you don’t get an enthusiastic response, don’t think you haven’t made a difference. Your actions matter. You matter. And here’s the best part: it feels good. Connecting in a positive way with others, strangers or not, fortifies your well-being as much as theirs.
The Bottomline
This is our humanity. Humans are a powerful group of individuals who have survived thousands of years and conquered a myriad of predators and circumstances because of our ability to band together, to look out for one another, to collaborate for the good of many.  We are meant to be together. Sometimes we forget that and, our current culture might have us believing otherwise. But, we have the power of choice. And if we make a choice, now, to level up our connections, with kindness, with empathy, and with patience, we can all play a part in the betterment of the world.
